On again

I started chemo on December 8. The same day I went back to work. The week was hard to adjust waking up at 530 instead of 8 and living on 7.5 hours of sleep instead of 9. I was ready to put my head on my desk and take a 10 min nap more than once! I am taking Temador for chemo again. I took it in 2000 and 2003. I will be taking it in combination with Avastin. I was supposed to get my first infusion of Avastin on the 12th but the nurses and docs were leery of giving it to me so close to my nose surgery so we are waiting on that until January 2. I am having a little nausea with the Temador and defiantly some fatigue but as I said before I have had a big adjustment to my schedule. I didn't get too much time to adjust because I still had 5 days of vacation time left to use up before the end of the year. So I worked 7 (!!!) days and now I have 19 days off. How nice is that? My company shuts down between Christmas and New Year - that's why I get so much time off.

Today we got 10 inches of snow and Todd and I got out the old snowmobile and went wild! It was great! We had a blast. I can't wait to see how sore my arms will be tomorrow because it was so hard to steer in all this snow. I was a little hesitant about going but you know... you only live once, right? AND the helmet will protect my head and my nose. So I went for it. I even did a jump. Just like old days when me and my sister would take it out and ride behind the school about 20 years ago. I can't believe that thing still runs. I'm glad I went - no one tell my docs, OK?

Call it karma- about 10 minutes after we got home I had a seizure.

Stop already.

It doesn’t ever seem to stop. I have quit wondering why. When we started the conversations about my latest surgery the docs wanted to get rid of the tumor to be alleviate me of the seizures. Great! I thought as I placed my hands in theirs while I cried and they said this was the best option. I had my surgery and was seizure free for about 14 days and then I had one. Ok I thought. One well, with no schedule I seem to be having them more frequently. I had one yesterday night at about 7 pm and then today at 130 pm. I’ve been really tired this week from starting back to work. Could that be it? But what explains the ones while I was off and getting 9 hours of sleep and napping? How frustrating.

Breathe

As in I can Breathe now! I decided to have my nose fixed while I was off. The surgery was to straighten my deviated septum. The surgery was fine but the week after was torture. I had splints up my nose on both sides that looked like straws for a week. The nurse told me those were better because you can breathe through them. Humph! Don't think so. Maybe 20%. I still have about a week of healing and then will decided if the surgery was worth it. As for now... jury is still out.

Here is a picture of before:



The after will be soon.

I don't wanna!

I kinda just don't want to this year. Can we skip Christmas? I mean, skip all the things Christmas has become that has nothing to do with the holiday. Scrooge? ME?!?! I was going to sit down today and start addressing my what seems like an endless amount of holiday cards while I had a few moments but when I looked in the card drawer there is none. I usually buy the cards the year before so I don't have to think about it. And then the holiday letter. I love getting cards but I love getting updates on what happened to my (diatant) friends and family more. So I like to write one myself to all of them. Ohh... should I even bother?

It's over

Am I really ready to go back? Back to work. Back to normal? Start again? I can say that I am ready to move on - that's for sure. It's been a long time since October 14th. I've had a good recovery time. I saw a ton of people and most importantly, I got to see my husband every day. LOVED that. I actually talked him into making a snowman last Sunday when we in the middle of racking up a few more inches of snow. Aren't we cute? Too bad Mr. Frosty suffered the next day by some hoodlums knocking him over. Not to worry - I followed them and yelled at them. They'll be in jail before they are 18. Jerks! Todd rescued Mr. F and righted him. It was on our list to rebuild him a head. Well, he was dumped on his side again. Those little jerks were at it again. That time I didn't see them so one for them. Frosty (the torso) is now in the side yard safe and still waiting a head. Soon, Frosty, soon..



Anyway - I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and got to spend it with loved ones. I know I did.

I have to go and pack my lunch and make sure I have my computer bag ready for work tomorrow. I'm going to bed early but I don't know if that will help. Layoffs start this week at the office. Tomorrow will not be a fun homecoming.

% division

I went through all of my 5 pathology reports with one of my nurses the other day. I learned a ton of medical terms and most likely have now forgotten most of them. The thing I did learn is that my tumor cells are becoming more aggressive. It's not a shock. The time between surgeries has gotten shorter so put it together - the cells divide faster and hence the tumor grows faster. I started (back in 2000) with a division of 8-9%. Not too bad. Now in 2008 the division is 35%. I'm waiting to hear back from my oncologist on the prescription for Temodar and how to take it. I hope to start that soon. Why put it off any longer I guess. I need to step up and become a fighter again. Not a floater. It's been great - the time off but now I need to get back to it. I plan to get back to work on December 8. The week my company will start laying off my friends that I have known for the past 8 years. They have been through it all with me. All 5 surgeries.

Week 3

Wow! I can't even believe it's been 3 weeks since surgery already.

I met with the oncologist last Friday about future treatment(s). He rattled off so many options that Todd and I left feeling very confused. I know the tumor board recommendation is for me to do a chemo drug that is in pill form. I was on Temador in 2000 and again in 2003. I took the chemo 5 days out of every month. I had nausea and fatigue as the sessions accumulated. The major issue with the drug is how expensive it is. Because it is administered in pill form, obtaining it is like getting any prescription filled at Kmart or Walgreens. You pay your co-pay. Ours is a percentage and the drug is so expensive that the percentage left for us to pay previously was over $700 per month. Todd and I need to figure out how expensive this will cost us and how we are going to pay for this. Stressful.

Also, I went to see the surgeon today because my sutures were oozing... puss. Pleasant, eh? He was not concerned about the look of my incision and put some Bactine on my head and sent me home. A few of the sutures were so sensitive and hurt all the time so he took those out for me. He was tempted to take them all out but is hesitant because of the the trauma my scalp has been through. He was afraid that my incision could start to open. I'm good with having them in for a while longer. I get those out the day before Thanksgiving.

I am going to go back to work after Thanksgiving. That's the plan anyway.

The Princess treatment

I got a sign and a tiara!!! I showed everyone my sign who came in my room. Heh heh. Thanks again Chrystal and Shannon!! You are the best!

Back at home

The surgery went well. Doc said he got everything and now we are waiting to hear about the the pathlogy report. I hope it will be done Monday. I hope they won't make me wait until Wednesday whn tumor board discusses my case. That's a long time from now.

After surgery in recovery I was having a hard time getting my pain under control. The docs and nursers were trying everything to make me comfortable. I was finally put on phetnol. It helped for about 20 minutes and then wore off. My pain was still up at 9 or a 10. I have never been in that much pain from my surgeries. It scared me and I was laying there helpless. Once I was transfered to ICU the nice ladies there gave me a morphine pump that I could work myself every 10 minutes. That wasn't often enough so they lowered it to 7 minutes. Bless them! I was also put on Oxycodone. The pain was in check.

Shannon and Chrystal showed up with my Princess treatment sign and a tierra! They are great. The yummy torte and chocolate chip cookies weren't bad either. I'll blame the extra pounds on the steroids for sure. The night in ICU was uneventful thank goodness. I didn't even freak out that bad during my MRI. I usually need to be sedated for them after my surgeries. I think I feel like my head won't fit into the machine. I ended up staying in the hospital one more day than I usually do. The doc wanted me to be on antibiotics for another day - just in case. They are every worried about infection because this is my 5th time being opened up and I may not heal as quickly. He also wants my stitches to stay in for 6 weeks. I was planning to go back to work in 4. Not sure how that will work. I may just take the 2 extra weeks off. It mostly depends on what the pathology comes back and what the docs decide on for future treatment. I guess it will round the season off nicely. I can go back right after Thanksgiving.

We had visitors all weekend. My niece and nephew were getting worried about me so my sister in law brought them over to see me on Friday night a few hours after I got home. Maybe not the smartest thing but it was good to see them and I went to bed right after they left. My mom came over Saturday and cooked us all kinds of food. She even brought over more on Sunday. YUM! My dad came for dinner Sunday. Lot's of visits. Lot's of flowers, too. Love those!

I feel the love

In the past few days I have been treated to a pizza lunch, surprised by a goodie basket and was given a 1.5 hour massage gift certificate. I was so shocked every time! It really makes me feel good that all of these people think this way about me. I have so many friends that somehow it makes all this stuff I am going through easier. If I didn't have my coworkers to see every day I would not have been able to hang in there the last week. I will miss them all this next month. Then there is my friends. I can count on them to keep me company in my last hour. We are all dining together Monday night. Love you guys.

Thursday before

How is a person supposed to carry on with normal life with a surgery looming in the near future? I am getting worse today. Anxious. Nervous. I can't concentrate at work. Probably be better if I was at home. What would I do there? Look at my walls? I don't think anything would make it better. Well, maybe a trip to France for the weekend and a spa day the day before surgery. Now we're talking. But that's not going to happen. I'm looking forward to this weekend being around friends and family and then a group of friends are having dinner with me on Monday to keep me busy. Thanks girls.

Here it is:

The tumor is the white area. The black "void" is the area where the surgeons took out my first tumor all the way back in 2000. My brain never filled in the gap.

#5

Well, here I go again. Another surgery. It's been an emotional week. Last week Dr. M told me that he recommended Radiosurgery. A high dose of a medical procedure which allows non-invasive treatment of benign and malignant conditions. It's a high dose of radiation that would be applied to the new growth. It has many side effects - all that I was not shocked by. Seizures could intensify and there could be scar tissue that would cause problems itself. We went to see Dr. U on Tuesday and got all the information necessary to start the treatments. Wednesday a.m. I received a call from the surgeon's nurse requesting an appointment. WHAT? Ok my world was spinning. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I made my appointment for this morning and went to see Todd at work. I feel in a cloud. How is this happening again? Why is this happening to me again? Will it ever stop? DAMMIT!!!!

Today Todd and I went to see DR. E. He explained to me that surgery is the best option for the new growth. Surgery would allow a cleaner margin between brain and tumor than the Radiosurgery. Because of the area of the tumor it is less likely to cause problems. I have a tumor in a good area. That's the one thing I have going for me I guess. It's not moving to my brain stem or moving into the brain. BUT the damn thing keeps returning. I talked with Dr. M about future treatments. Whether they had discussed this in tumor board meeting. He said we have to wait for the pathology report to make that decision.

Surgery is tentatively set for October 14. I have a sinus infection I need to get rid of. Now I need to get referrals.

Not so good news

I had a MRI this morning and on the screen was my brain with some extras. There is visible growth again. I knew something was not right because of the seizures. The tumor is growing in the same area as it always has been so that is one good thing. It may be the only one. The docs are not sure what they will do next. There is a few different options that my neurologist talked about but he needs to speak with the whole team. They all need to get together and come up with a decision. My neurologist, oncologist and a doc from radiation will all decide on my future. More news to come Monday.

How are you they ask?

I am tearing up inside. I am scared. I want to run.

I went to another doc to see about the seizures. He switched my meds around and hopefully that will control them.

For now - trying to be positive. Trying.

Involuntary

It's a big word if you think about it. My company just sent out "voluntary separation" severance packages. I work in automotive and live in the Detroit area so it's not a big shock. Still this voluntary separation will be followed with involuntary separation.

These words are making me think about all the things I do in my life that I have choices and opportunities for. I've decided to become more voluntary in my life. I am finally going to talk to a college guidance counselor about getting back into college. I have had enough with the involuntary part of my life. I have started to also speak out at work more and people are listening. I deserve more money and those promotions. I had a meeting with the head of my department yesterday (yikes) and we talked for a bit about these issue. He said he was going to look into my past and find out what happening. Hope something positive comes out of it. TBD. Voluntary.

Bald

Ok so being bald does rock at times because:
A: you never have a bad hair day - just no hair days
B: it doesn't show when you have not showered
C: it feels nice when someone rubs your head
D:.. umm I'm sure there is more but I can't think of them

I'm 33!!

WOAH!! Another year! Whoo hooo. Getting my hair done soon. I LOVE L O V E haircuts. If you have ever been bald you can relate. It rocks....... the hair cut not the bald part ;)

Need to let it lie

Some friends and I were chatting about a fellow cancer patient and about getting sick with chemo. My one friend said - it seemed like you had a pretty easy time with it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Puking up to 8 times a day does not seem easy to me. Not eating or drinking for 3 days is not easy. Maybe if that friend would have been one to call me on those days she would remember these things. There were times when I slept for 20 hours straight. Only waking to vomit or use the bathroom. Are you seriously kidding me.

I've been mad

I've been pissed off more like it for a few weeks now. Mad at cancer.

Mad at it for getting into people who do not deserve to go through this journey. Mad because of what I have been through was relatively easy and mad at what I hear other people must go through with surgeries, treatments and transplants. I'm mad at the people who claim they will "smoke until they die" and never get cancer while an innocent person who has never smoked gets lung cancer and dies.

I went for a walk this morning at work and saw a woman smoking who had a heart attack less than 7 years ago. If anyone should realize, we humans are not invincible it is her. What is it going to take most of us to wake up and live a healthier lifestyle? Hopefully not a heart attack like the woman at work.

There is more I could be doing to be healthy anyone around me can tell you that if they have seen me devour anything chocolate or witness my love of Doritos. I am certainly not a role model. But I'm trying to stay alive and play the cards I have been dealt. I just get so pissed at the sight of it. Cancer. It's everywhere. So I guess I am just mad.

Phew

The "rogue" spot was indeed that. It was not in the latest MRI. Phew. MRI was Wednesday and the tumor board recommends continuing on as usual. Good. Yes.

I bought 5 Luminaries:
Aunt Sam
Mike
Mom
Barbara
me

Would you?

Would you buy luminaries for yourself for a cancer walk? I always thought it would be a honor thing but who else would buy them if I don't??

PS - not doing the walk myself which makes me a ptuz. I'm in for next year - I SWEAR.

PSS - I just made myself feel like a bigger putz because I have never done a cancer walk for myself. Next year!

PSSS - Why hasn't anyone done this for ME?

Yet another anniversary

It has been 2 years since my last surgery! This is my second longest stint of being surgery free! Whoo hoooo!!

Made an ass out of myself

I went to the doc to discuss further options for the Depo shot. The doc explained to me several options that we could explore. One was to discontinue using all hormone therapy and do a route cause. I would have to be clear of the effects of the shot and that would be about 5 months. Holy shit! I started thinking about all the things I went through. Bleeding everywhere- constantly being worried about leaking through - anemic. For some reason the office was really hot , they must have had cooling issues, but all the sudden I got HOT and couldn't really understand what he was saying, and then couldn't see. So here I am in the doctors office with my head between my knees, the nurse bringing me water and some cool cloths to rub on me to cool me off. Yep, that's me going through an emotional attack.

Option we decided to go with is sticking with the shot until October which will be a year and using back up meds if the bleeding comes back. Sounds ok to me for now. I really don't want 5 months of hell and then to go through tons of testing. We'll see how it works out closer to October.

More and more

I'm still having seizure dammit! I emailed the doc today and they may change my dosage and or med again. These need o stop soon. I've had 2 today and had one yesterday, too. Not good.

Admit it

Ok, ok, ok I admit it. It bothers me that we can't have a baby. More and more often I think about it. I see my friends with kids ( and I think I am brilliant with them!) and I love them to death. Having one of our own is a choice that has been taken away from us. A biological child is not possible from me with all the chemicals I have in my blood on any given day. My friend had a baby today (congrats again!!) and I am so happy for her but I found myself crying on the way home because I know I will never know what that feels like.

Ouch.

Good Job

The MRI was ok. A little o and a little k. There is some rogue spot showing up in the center of the brain where my 3 lobes meet. Cause for concern but not panic. No changes in treatment schedules.

I am now on Tegertol to control my seizures. I am still having small episodes here and there so we may switch drugs again. My body needs to even out on this one first before we make any moves.

Feeling much better and am back to my positive self.

Down day

It’s coming up on time for a head check again. Wednesday I have a MRI and I will talk to Dr. M. about this crazy drug he switched me to. I still feel out of my damn mind. I’m trying to concentrate at work and can barely focus on the numbers on the drawing print in from of me. Typing is a chore. As always - thanks to the Microsoft gods for spell-check.

Today I am slipping into the place I hate to go every few months. The worry about the MRI – meds- my uncertain future. My time for a slap of reality – I am a Cancer Survivor.

Is Keppra the best for me because I feel like a crack head?
Is the Avastin still working?
Bleeding again
I’m still having episodes – is number five on the rise?

It’s going to be a rough next couple of days and all I really want to do is get in my bed and get a good hearty amount of sleep. Hide.

Still buzzing along

I did make it to work today despite still being the slightest bit out of my mind. Either the effects are getting better or I am learning to live with them. Driving this morning was a trip.

Talked to the doc yesterday and he told me to cut the pills in half for a week and work my way up to the full dosage. Phew!

I have a MRI next week on Wednesday.

Keppra

I switched my meds this weekend. I started taking Keppra for my anti-convulsant. so far.. I feel like I am on a constant buzz of vodka and I am having small glitches of all sorts. Thinking about calling the doc and making an appointment ASAP to have a blood level draw but that won't happen until later in the morning.

I wonder if I should be driving. Driving at all. I wish I knew someone who lived by me that could drive me to work. I know one guy but there is no way in hell that I would travel to work and back with him.. NO.

I have a MRI soon - need to call tomorrow and make he appointment.

April 27

It's been 8 years since my first surgery. Another reason to awe at myself? It's been a crazy long journey.

Another little victory for me.

I can't wait to celebrate 10 years of being a kick ass cancer survivor.

So much gone by

Geesh - I promised to myself that I would keep up this blog (diary) more often.

Although I would love to say that I am one free of cancer chick - that's just not the truth. Dr. M is changing my anti convulsant drug to Keppra. Hopefully this will control my episodes that I have been having. I am beyond idiotic while I am driving and still having seizures. That is the single most independent thing most of us do. I would have to rely on ochers to take me anywhere. Work, groceries. I would become a person of my own prison. That is one of my biggest fears as I journey through cancer land is giving up my independence. It's fun for me to get Todd to wait on me but it would not last long.

In 3.5 more hours I am leaving work to start my vacation! I'm off to Florida with my mom to see my Aunt, cousin and most important my 92 (next month) year old grandma. WOW! I hope to live until 92 and be as healthy as she is. Warm weather and good company. Hopefully it will get my mind off of things for a bit.

27 hours and counting

When will it stop?

Cancer is shit.

Two weeks ago I found out my father has a spot on the top of his head that he got biopsied and the pathology report came back with pre-cancerous cells! WHAT? He has some chemo cream that was prescribed to him and he says that it is going well. The side effects are not prominent.

Mom had breast cancer when I was 12 and she has been going strong ever since. She's a strong woman to get though that era of our lives. She had two young daughters, a husband that had to work so much that he could not support her (cancer) and the check book was still not reading full. She went to treatments alone, got chemo injected into her veins, was so sick from the chemo and stress. I am glad she came out the other side as well as she did (she wonders how I do it). She has not had a reoccurrence of the cancer and it has not metastasized into other areas of her body. Phew.

My Aunt died before her time of.. gosh, name any cancer.

Another friend is loosing her mom because of this shit.

I now find out that one of my very best friend's husband has lesions in his face. They still need to see the oncologist to determine the next steps. WTF?

Is this a sign of getting older and having "adult problems"? I don't want them.

Little update

MRI last week = good
Bleeding stopped = awesome
Florida in 18 days = hell yea!

I am feeling really good these days. My fatigue has subsided for now. Last week my body let me know it was time for a slow down. I came home from work and passed out at 6 until 8. Got up and brushed my teeth, etc and was back in (took a little white pill) and slept for 12 more hours. I woke up feeling amazing. I've been feeling pretty good since. hummm.... need to listen to the body more.

My doc upped my anti- convulsant meds because of the episodes that I have been having. They are still happening so I need to call and let him know. *writing that down* He was thinking about switching my meds anyway so hopefully the new one will control things better.

Thanks to this wonderful thing called the internet I think I have diagnosed my foot/ankle issue. My feet started hurting me about 1 year ago and I thought it was because of flip flops. Then my ankles started to hurt, too. That has been going on for quite some time, too. Went to the doc, physical therapy and got insoles. Still hurting. I was poking around on the internet and I think I have falling arches. So through my internet diagnosis I will be buying arch supports. HA! Take that doc!

More to worry about

The bleeding has not stopped. It's not as bad as it was a few months ago but when I am on the "shot" and another drug to make me stop bleeding it is a big deal. I called the nurse and told her what was STILL happening the doc called and wanted me to get a sonogram done on my uterus. I did that today. Everything is good. The doc at the clinic was funny. He went over the sonogram with me while it was being done and he did see some "debris" I asked him "blood clots?" He said yes, or cigarette butts, tires, bottle-caps, etc. Good that he has a since of humor. He didn't see anything that "impressed" him as he put it. So that is good, right? But it doesn't give me any closure to the bleeding issue. Next.....

I also have a MRI next Wednesday and treatment next Friday. I have not been sleeping well and had really weird dreams of tumors all over my body. Nice, eh?

Talk to you next Wednesday.

Close to home

We went to the movies last night and saw Bucket List. It is a really good movie! It is about two men that are dying and fill out a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket". The things they did were great! I can only hope to do some of those things that required the money needed. The cancers the men had metastasized to the brain and the men had to receive surgery and chemo. All of that was familiar but was not upsetting me. After the fun they had crossing things off the bucket list of course the men die. I was shedding tears because it was sad that they died. I hadn't really connected it with me and my journey through brain cancer. Todd offered his napkin to me but I already had mine. Then I saw him wiping his eyes. He was crying. That made me cry. He doesn't show his emotions to me about our situation very much. We sat in the theater for a while holding one another and I looked at him and we both smiled through our tears and he said "That's a little close to home".

Headaches

I have been getting headaches almost daily for about the last 2 weeks. I'm hoping that it is related to my nose issue and not my brain issue. Geesh. It sounds like I need an issues list to keep track of all my ills.

I go to the nose doc Friday (at 650AM! WTF?) to see about her correcting my deviated septum and if it will help the never ending infection. I may be getting a nose job! I always thought my nose wasn’t bad at all. I’m not sure if it will effect the outer appearance at all.

I will also have a MRI in the next week to keep track of the brain. I should name my tumor(s - that is if I have to deal with another one). "'Ben' is coming into town again for a short stay so I decided to take another month off to deal with it". Yea, maybe that's not funny.

Happy Valentines Day

St Valentine. Do you think he was romantic? I know it is a Hallmark holiday but I do want something from my sweetie.

Outburst

Well, we had our talk finally. I couldn't stand it anymore. We had gone up north again and I was sick of avoiding the issue. Sunday morning I broke down. I was so hurt I couldn't take it anymore. I told him about the things that really mattered to me. Things that we have put off in our marriage and life together. We have never done anything special to celebrate anniversaries of marriage, surgeries, etc. I even told him last year how important these days were for me and still... nothing. Then I got mad. Why does it take me to break down and cry and be so upset for him to know how serious I am? Is he really that off? Are we really that unconnected?

I am sick of doing the same routine every weekend. I need some new activities. I need to date my husband. I need to feel secure and taken care of. Don't ask me if I want to "do it". A woman needs some romance every once in a while.

We're trying. Marriage is work.

Good MRI

The MRI is stable! Whoo hoo! The Doc recommended that I continue with the current treatment. I agree. I talked to him about the episodes I have been having and we upped my dosage of the Lamictal. No episodes have occurred since.

When the doctor told me the good news I was on the table while the nurse was trying to access my port and the doc was talking to Todd and I. The good news is heard and he does NOTHING. A hug, kiss, a good job - nothing. My feelings were more than hurt. I distanced myself from him and I told him how I felt on our way up north. His response? "I would have if the nurse wasn't in the way". Bullshit. She did leave the room and there was still nothing. I feel defeated. This is the person I am spending the rest of my life with. We should be in tune with one another's feeling and needs by now.

The weekend was busy up north and we really didn't have time to talk about things. He asked me what was wrong a few times and I just kept saying the same thing that was wrong Friday. He doesn't get it. I am not accepting that this is a 'man thing'. My friends and family were happier for me and showed more emotion.

As the week went on and my wounds scabbed over and became itchy I decided to order myself flowers. No one in my house does it so why not? I ordered a beautiful bouquet of white daises, red roses and purple accents. It was a replication of the bouquet Todd gave me at the beginning of our relationship. I walked in the house with a big bundle tucked in the crook of my arm and he greeted me at the door. I told him I ordered flowers for myself. His reply, "I was going to do that for you tonight". BULLSHIT.

I am so tired of the was going to, should haves, would haves, and I didn't know if you would like it so I didn't.

A good weekend

We went to the Detroit Science Center Saturday with my niece and nephew. K and S went with us, too. I think they really enjoyed it. We did. I loved spending time with them and Todd. Doing something outside of the house. Will defanitly go back soon. Then we went to my sisters house for dinner and fun. Apparently I had a little too much to drink. They said I was sluring! I still don't believe them!

The weekend was really nice up until the time I had an episode. I had one in the morning and one in the afternoon while I was downstais. I grabbed a mirror and watched it. The corners of my mouth started quivering then my tounge started pulsing then my jaw started to open and close the slighest bit. My hand goes a little numb and then my fingers. All on the left side. All are the slighest movements.

I'm freaking out. I have a MRI this week. I see the oncologist Friday.

I also started bleeding again. I know it is common with the Depo shot to have break-through bleeding but this is more. It was so nice not to worry abou this for 2 months now. I get my shot next week so hopefully things will be back to normal.

It will be a long week.

No wonder I am tired all the time. I have a lot to think about and probably do it all while I sleep,

Happy Holidays

Christmas and the New Year have passed us now. I'm happy they are over but I miss my husband and was not ready to go back to our normal schedules. We had a great time hanging out and just being lazy. We went up north to my in-laws house and spent some time there so he could do his snowmobiling. The trip was low key - my niece and nephew were not there to play with and I got sick the day we arrived.

I did get a chance to visit with a dear friend. We had a bottle of cheap wine and good conversation - what more do you need?

I waved goodbye to the time off and drove in carefully on the slippery roads (I'm not ready for that stuff yet) yesterday morning. Came into work and discovered everything as I left it. All except for my plant. Oops. Gave it some water but I may need a prayer for it to revive.

It's back to normal life and back to cancer. Treatments resume tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a relaxing break and look forward to a fresh start as 2008 begins.