Admit it

Ok, ok, ok I admit it. It bothers me that we can't have a baby. More and more often I think about it. I see my friends with kids ( and I think I am brilliant with them!) and I love them to death. Having one of our own is a choice that has been taken away from us. A biological child is not possible from me with all the chemicals I have in my blood on any given day. My friend had a baby today (congrats again!!) and I am so happy for her but I found myself crying on the way home because I know I will never know what that feels like.

Ouch.

Good Job

The MRI was ok. A little o and a little k. There is some rogue spot showing up in the center of the brain where my 3 lobes meet. Cause for concern but not panic. No changes in treatment schedules.

I am now on Tegertol to control my seizures. I am still having small episodes here and there so we may switch drugs again. My body needs to even out on this one first before we make any moves.

Feeling much better and am back to my positive self.

Down day

It’s coming up on time for a head check again. Wednesday I have a MRI and I will talk to Dr. M. about this crazy drug he switched me to. I still feel out of my damn mind. I’m trying to concentrate at work and can barely focus on the numbers on the drawing print in from of me. Typing is a chore. As always - thanks to the Microsoft gods for spell-check.

Today I am slipping into the place I hate to go every few months. The worry about the MRI – meds- my uncertain future. My time for a slap of reality – I am a Cancer Survivor.

Is Keppra the best for me because I feel like a crack head?
Is the Avastin still working?
Bleeding again
I’m still having episodes – is number five on the rise?

It’s going to be a rough next couple of days and all I really want to do is get in my bed and get a good hearty amount of sleep. Hide.

Still buzzing along

I did make it to work today despite still being the slightest bit out of my mind. Either the effects are getting better or I am learning to live with them. Driving this morning was a trip.

Talked to the doc yesterday and he told me to cut the pills in half for a week and work my way up to the full dosage. Phew!

I have a MRI next week on Wednesday.

Keppra

I switched my meds this weekend. I started taking Keppra for my anti-convulsant. so far.. I feel like I am on a constant buzz of vodka and I am having small glitches of all sorts. Thinking about calling the doc and making an appointment ASAP to have a blood level draw but that won't happen until later in the morning.

I wonder if I should be driving. Driving at all. I wish I knew someone who lived by me that could drive me to work. I know one guy but there is no way in hell that I would travel to work and back with him.. NO.

I have a MRI soon - need to call tomorrow and make he appointment.