Good MRI

The MRI is stable! Whoo hoo! The Doc recommended that I continue with the current treatment. I agree. I talked to him about the episodes I have been having and we upped my dosage of the Lamictal. No episodes have occurred since.

When the doctor told me the good news I was on the table while the nurse was trying to access my port and the doc was talking to Todd and I. The good news is heard and he does NOTHING. A hug, kiss, a good job - nothing. My feelings were more than hurt. I distanced myself from him and I told him how I felt on our way up north. His response? "I would have if the nurse wasn't in the way". Bullshit. She did leave the room and there was still nothing. I feel defeated. This is the person I am spending the rest of my life with. We should be in tune with one another's feeling and needs by now.

The weekend was busy up north and we really didn't have time to talk about things. He asked me what was wrong a few times and I just kept saying the same thing that was wrong Friday. He doesn't get it. I am not accepting that this is a 'man thing'. My friends and family were happier for me and showed more emotion.

As the week went on and my wounds scabbed over and became itchy I decided to order myself flowers. No one in my house does it so why not? I ordered a beautiful bouquet of white daises, red roses and purple accents. It was a replication of the bouquet Todd gave me at the beginning of our relationship. I walked in the house with a big bundle tucked in the crook of my arm and he greeted me at the door. I told him I ordered flowers for myself. His reply, "I was going to do that for you tonight". BULLSHIT.

I am so tired of the was going to, should haves, would haves, and I didn't know if you would like it so I didn't.

A good weekend

We went to the Detroit Science Center Saturday with my niece and nephew. K and S went with us, too. I think they really enjoyed it. We did. I loved spending time with them and Todd. Doing something outside of the house. Will defanitly go back soon. Then we went to my sisters house for dinner and fun. Apparently I had a little too much to drink. They said I was sluring! I still don't believe them!

The weekend was really nice up until the time I had an episode. I had one in the morning and one in the afternoon while I was downstais. I grabbed a mirror and watched it. The corners of my mouth started quivering then my tounge started pulsing then my jaw started to open and close the slighest bit. My hand goes a little numb and then my fingers. All on the left side. All are the slighest movements.

I'm freaking out. I have a MRI this week. I see the oncologist Friday.

I also started bleeding again. I know it is common with the Depo shot to have break-through bleeding but this is more. It was so nice not to worry abou this for 2 months now. I get my shot next week so hopefully things will be back to normal.

It will be a long week.

No wonder I am tired all the time. I have a lot to think about and probably do it all while I sleep,

Happy Holidays

Christmas and the New Year have passed us now. I'm happy they are over but I miss my husband and was not ready to go back to our normal schedules. We had a great time hanging out and just being lazy. We went up north to my in-laws house and spent some time there so he could do his snowmobiling. The trip was low key - my niece and nephew were not there to play with and I got sick the day we arrived.

I did get a chance to visit with a dear friend. We had a bottle of cheap wine and good conversation - what more do you need?

I waved goodbye to the time off and drove in carefully on the slippery roads (I'm not ready for that stuff yet) yesterday morning. Came into work and discovered everything as I left it. All except for my plant. Oops. Gave it some water but I may need a prayer for it to revive.

It's back to normal life and back to cancer. Treatments resume tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a relaxing break and look forward to a fresh start as 2008 begins.