Close to home

We went to the movies last night and saw Bucket List. It is a really good movie! It is about two men that are dying and fill out a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket". The things they did were great! I can only hope to do some of those things that required the money needed. The cancers the men had metastasized to the brain and the men had to receive surgery and chemo. All of that was familiar but was not upsetting me. After the fun they had crossing things off the bucket list of course the men die. I was shedding tears because it was sad that they died. I hadn't really connected it with me and my journey through brain cancer. Todd offered his napkin to me but I already had mine. Then I saw him wiping his eyes. He was crying. That made me cry. He doesn't show his emotions to me about our situation very much. We sat in the theater for a while holding one another and I looked at him and we both smiled through our tears and he said "That's a little close to home".

Headaches

I have been getting headaches almost daily for about the last 2 weeks. I'm hoping that it is related to my nose issue and not my brain issue. Geesh. It sounds like I need an issues list to keep track of all my ills.

I go to the nose doc Friday (at 650AM! WTF?) to see about her correcting my deviated septum and if it will help the never ending infection. I may be getting a nose job! I always thought my nose wasn’t bad at all. I’m not sure if it will effect the outer appearance at all.

I will also have a MRI in the next week to keep track of the brain. I should name my tumor(s - that is if I have to deal with another one). "'Ben' is coming into town again for a short stay so I decided to take another month off to deal with it". Yea, maybe that's not funny.

Happy Valentines Day

St Valentine. Do you think he was romantic? I know it is a Hallmark holiday but I do want something from my sweetie.

Outburst

Well, we had our talk finally. I couldn't stand it anymore. We had gone up north again and I was sick of avoiding the issue. Sunday morning I broke down. I was so hurt I couldn't take it anymore. I told him about the things that really mattered to me. Things that we have put off in our marriage and life together. We have never done anything special to celebrate anniversaries of marriage, surgeries, etc. I even told him last year how important these days were for me and still... nothing. Then I got mad. Why does it take me to break down and cry and be so upset for him to know how serious I am? Is he really that off? Are we really that unconnected?

I am sick of doing the same routine every weekend. I need some new activities. I need to date my husband. I need to feel secure and taken care of. Don't ask me if I want to "do it". A woman needs some romance every once in a while.

We're trying. Marriage is work.