Numb

Well, I finished the second round of chemo - actually I was 2 pills short because of my wonderful memory I left the dang things in the fridge when we went away for the weekend.

I had a MRI today and the results are not the best. Shit. There are some bright specks on the scan. There is even a spot that is progressed into my brain. The other tumors have stayed on the surface of my brain. The docs have to meet with tumor board tomorrow night and they will all make their recommendations. I feel the spinning down the funnel feeling starting. There is a lot going on right now and I am going into shut down mode. Layoffs start this week at the office and yesterday morning we all got an email stating a mandatory 1 week off of work... UNpaid.

A girl needs a break. I'm taking a sleeping pill and heading to bed.

Shiver me everythings!

OMG My car registered -8 this morning on the way to work. Ugh and WTF? Detroit area was colder than Anchorage Alaska yesterday! Is that exciting? I think not.

Well, I did it to myself again. I can't sit still and pay attention. I've had a low grade fever for over a week and last weekend I went to kickboxing came home and went xcross country skiing and then as I pulled in the driveway I noticed fresh snowmobile tracks. Todd was out tooling around so I got ready and we went out. I made dinner after we got home and then collapsed at 10 with a 100.9 fever. Pay attention my body screams. Sunday I went skiing again and took my niece sledding. Again. Fever. Monday I was achy and lethargic all day at work but raced home to take a 45minute nap so I would be rested for kickboxing. Did that and came home almost in tears. I felt horrible. I was achy all over and just didn't fell well. Ok so I am listening now. I stayed home from work Tuesday and didn't go anywhere. Wednesday I went to work but not to the gym. I feel better! Getting rest really works! Imagine that.

Work announced layoffs again last Friday. My goodness I will be glad when this is over whether I am on the chopping block or not. Speaking of - lunch is over.

Happy 2009 already!

WOW! It's January already. I completed my first round of chemo with out any major happenings. The usual stomach issues and a little nausea was it. Thank goodness for that.

Todd and I had a wonderful holiday that we spent with family and friends.

I finally returned to work on Jan 5 for good - well until the next day off (Hooray for MLK).

I see Doc Anderson Friday and am not scheduled for tests until the end of the month. Until then...

PS on the "woman" issue. I finally stopped bleeding all together now (for about 3 months now) and am off the depo shot. It's been 6 months since my last shot and no period has come back. Love that but now I am also concerned. OBGYN took some hormone levels so hopefully all is ok. If it's not one thing it will surely be another.....

On again

I started chemo on December 8. The same day I went back to work. The week was hard to adjust waking up at 530 instead of 8 and living on 7.5 hours of sleep instead of 9. I was ready to put my head on my desk and take a 10 min nap more than once! I am taking Temador for chemo again. I took it in 2000 and 2003. I will be taking it in combination with Avastin. I was supposed to get my first infusion of Avastin on the 12th but the nurses and docs were leery of giving it to me so close to my nose surgery so we are waiting on that until January 2. I am having a little nausea with the Temador and defiantly some fatigue but as I said before I have had a big adjustment to my schedule. I didn't get too much time to adjust because I still had 5 days of vacation time left to use up before the end of the year. So I worked 7 (!!!) days and now I have 19 days off. How nice is that? My company shuts down between Christmas and New Year - that's why I get so much time off.

Today we got 10 inches of snow and Todd and I got out the old snowmobile and went wild! It was great! We had a blast. I can't wait to see how sore my arms will be tomorrow because it was so hard to steer in all this snow. I was a little hesitant about going but you know... you only live once, right? AND the helmet will protect my head and my nose. So I went for it. I even did a jump. Just like old days when me and my sister would take it out and ride behind the school about 20 years ago. I can't believe that thing still runs. I'm glad I went - no one tell my docs, OK?

Call it karma- about 10 minutes after we got home I had a seizure.

Stop already.

It doesn’t ever seem to stop. I have quit wondering why. When we started the conversations about my latest surgery the docs wanted to get rid of the tumor to be alleviate me of the seizures. Great! I thought as I placed my hands in theirs while I cried and they said this was the best option. I had my surgery and was seizure free for about 14 days and then I had one. Ok I thought. One well, with no schedule I seem to be having them more frequently. I had one yesterday night at about 7 pm and then today at 130 pm. I’ve been really tired this week from starting back to work. Could that be it? But what explains the ones while I was off and getting 9 hours of sleep and napping? How frustrating.

Breathe

As in I can Breathe now! I decided to have my nose fixed while I was off. The surgery was to straighten my deviated septum. The surgery was fine but the week after was torture. I had splints up my nose on both sides that looked like straws for a week. The nurse told me those were better because you can breathe through them. Humph! Don't think so. Maybe 20%. I still have about a week of healing and then will decided if the surgery was worth it. As for now... jury is still out.

Here is a picture of before:



The after will be soon.

I don't wanna!

I kinda just don't want to this year. Can we skip Christmas? I mean, skip all the things Christmas has become that has nothing to do with the holiday. Scrooge? ME?!?! I was going to sit down today and start addressing my what seems like an endless amount of holiday cards while I had a few moments but when I looked in the card drawer there is none. I usually buy the cards the year before so I don't have to think about it. And then the holiday letter. I love getting cards but I love getting updates on what happened to my (diatant) friends and family more. So I like to write one myself to all of them. Ohh... should I even bother?

It's over

Am I really ready to go back? Back to work. Back to normal? Start again? I can say that I am ready to move on - that's for sure. It's been a long time since October 14th. I've had a good recovery time. I saw a ton of people and most importantly, I got to see my husband every day. LOVED that. I actually talked him into making a snowman last Sunday when we in the middle of racking up a few more inches of snow. Aren't we cute? Too bad Mr. Frosty suffered the next day by some hoodlums knocking him over. Not to worry - I followed them and yelled at them. They'll be in jail before they are 18. Jerks! Todd rescued Mr. F and righted him. It was on our list to rebuild him a head. Well, he was dumped on his side again. Those little jerks were at it again. That time I didn't see them so one for them. Frosty (the torso) is now in the side yard safe and still waiting a head. Soon, Frosty, soon..



Anyway - I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and got to spend it with loved ones. I know I did.

I have to go and pack my lunch and make sure I have my computer bag ready for work tomorrow. I'm going to bed early but I don't know if that will help. Layoffs start this week at the office. Tomorrow will not be a fun homecoming.

% division

I went through all of my 5 pathology reports with one of my nurses the other day. I learned a ton of medical terms and most likely have now forgotten most of them. The thing I did learn is that my tumor cells are becoming more aggressive. It's not a shock. The time between surgeries has gotten shorter so put it together - the cells divide faster and hence the tumor grows faster. I started (back in 2000) with a division of 8-9%. Not too bad. Now in 2008 the division is 35%. I'm waiting to hear back from my oncologist on the prescription for Temodar and how to take it. I hope to start that soon. Why put it off any longer I guess. I need to step up and become a fighter again. Not a floater. It's been great - the time off but now I need to get back to it. I plan to get back to work on December 8. The week my company will start laying off my friends that I have known for the past 8 years. They have been through it all with me. All 5 surgeries.

Week 3

Wow! I can't even believe it's been 3 weeks since surgery already.

I met with the oncologist last Friday about future treatment(s). He rattled off so many options that Todd and I left feeling very confused. I know the tumor board recommendation is for me to do a chemo drug that is in pill form. I was on Temador in 2000 and again in 2003. I took the chemo 5 days out of every month. I had nausea and fatigue as the sessions accumulated. The major issue with the drug is how expensive it is. Because it is administered in pill form, obtaining it is like getting any prescription filled at Kmart or Walgreens. You pay your co-pay. Ours is a percentage and the drug is so expensive that the percentage left for us to pay previously was over $700 per month. Todd and I need to figure out how expensive this will cost us and how we are going to pay for this. Stressful.

Also, I went to see the surgeon today because my sutures were oozing... puss. Pleasant, eh? He was not concerned about the look of my incision and put some Bactine on my head and sent me home. A few of the sutures were so sensitive and hurt all the time so he took those out for me. He was tempted to take them all out but is hesitant because of the the trauma my scalp has been through. He was afraid that my incision could start to open. I'm good with having them in for a while longer. I get those out the day before Thanksgiving.

I am going to go back to work after Thanksgiving. That's the plan anyway.